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5w30 Guzzler
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From the mind of Stephen Wright


I planted some bird seed. A bird came up. Now I don't know what to feed it.
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> I had amnesia once -- maybe twice.
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> I went to San Francisco. I found someone's heart.
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> Photons have mass? I didn't even know they were Catholic.
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> All I ask is a chance to prove money can't make me happy.
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> I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
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> If the world was a logical place, men would ride horses sidesaddle.
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> What is a "free" gift? Aren't all gifts free?
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> They told me I was gullible.... and I believed them.
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> Teach a child to be polite and courteous in the home and, when he grows up, he'll never be able to edge his car onto a freeway.
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> Two can live as cheaply as one, for half as long.
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> Experience is the thing you have left when everything else is gone.
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> What if there were no hypothetical questions?
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> One nice thing about egotists... they don't talk about other people.
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> When the only tool you own is a hammer, every problem begins to look like a nail.
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> A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.
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> What was the greatest thing before sliced bread?
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> My weight is perfect for my height.... which varies.
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> I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.
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> The cost of living hasn't affected its popularity.
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> How can there be self-help "groups"?
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> Is there another word for synonym?
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> The speed of time is one second per second.
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> Is it possible to be totally partial?
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> What's another word for thesaurus?
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> Is Marx's tomb a communist plot?
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> If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales?
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> Show me a man with both feet firmly on the ground, and I'll show you a man who can't get his pants off.
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> It's not an optical illusion. It just looks like one.
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> Is it my imagination, or do buffalo wings taste like chicken?
 

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Two words: Mitch Hedburg

He's basically only got one routine that he does, but that one routine is hilarious.
 

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Eleventeenth Gear Poster
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Brian Regan and Dane Cook rule and so do their CDs/DVDs :headbang: They are two of my favorites. I saw Regan live a month or so ago and he was hilarious. I love his spider web and his science project bits :rofl:
 

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All of the above are funny as hell but remember...

[begin shameless commercial]

For the cost of a CD, you could pay for 1 to 1.5 months of XM Satellite radio and hear all of those comics and even more 24/7 on XM Comedy, channel 150!

[end shameless commercial]

Seriously, invest in an XM radio, mine almost never leaves XM 150 unless Ellen Degenerate or Jeanene Waterbuffalo come on. :D
 

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Aaron K. said:
Brian Regan and Dane Cook rule and so do their CDs/DVDs :headbang: They are two of my favorites. I saw Regan live a month or so ago and he was hilarious. I love his spider web and his science project bits :rofl:
I don't know thew spider web one......

But here is my science project, I call it Cup of Dirt. It's a cup full of ......dirt, cup of dirt.

You too!

(remember that one?)
 

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Aaron K. said:


LOL, Take Luck :D
What position do you play?
I don't know my mother told me to come here!
Alright...go stand in LEFT FIELD!

Blue Snow cone, even if you only play half a game, you get whole snow cone.

Swing Lawyer Swing Lawyer Swing!
 
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