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Discussion Starter #1
Rough Draft....


GM’s new campaign, know abroad as “Road to Redemption,” goes to show how GM has turned over a new leaf since its screw ups over the past 20 plus years. They have apologized publicly and are taking full responsibility for their lack of quality over much of the past three decades.
“Thirty years ago, GM quality was the best in the world,” GM admits. “Twenty years ago, it wasn't.”
Apparently “...the hard part [was] breaking out of our own bureaucratic gridlock,” they continue, and “learning some humbling lessons from our competitors.”
So for all you suckers out there who bought a GM car during the late 70s – early 90s: You’re SOL, because GM itself has nationally admitted that their product was “a big bag of suck,” if I can steal a term from a certain tall teacher.
This “new and improved GM” has more in common with its 80s version than its more powerful and profitable 60s juggernaut.
Twenty years ago GM's then chief executive was calling 1983 “the turnaround year we have been working for.” That was Roger Smith. Six years later he and the GM President restated that a “turnaround” in “product quality” and “customer service” had been underway for “some time.”
Even in late 1994, the New York Times reported that the new GM president and CEO were saying that GM's North American operations “had ‘absolutely’ turned the corner.”
Sure, you can blame the insurance companies. You can blame oil companies. You could blame the Japanese for their less powerful and ugly (read efficient and inexpensive) imported cars. You can even blame the Americans themselves for buying these foreign automobiles. But, like my dear friend Michael Moore, I choose to blame GM itself.
After its great sales record of the 60s, GM decided to put itself on cruse control (luckily for them they borrowed that luxury from Toyota). Little was done to make a better car for the consumer and slowly but surely, the American public caught on. European cars were an option, but who had the money for that? There was that new Honda sitting in the foreign car lot…but what red-blooded American would set foot in that dealership, let alone purchase a vehicle?! Surely cars made domestically were more reliable than these Japanese econoboxes. But the price was right and the ride did feel rather smooth. America was hooked…
GM sales were still in the billions, but, as Moore neglected to point out, sales were declining, exponentially no less. So, instead of looking inward, GM decided to take the most honorable and just road it could: Move to Mexico and make the same crappy automobile for less money thanks to cheap labor. Now, GM has doubly screwed America, namely American people. How’s that Honda looking now?
Moore showed the ***-end of this heartache that was known as Flint, Michigan. Although his procedures were as rough as his appearance, his point was well-taken. These people trusted GM, not only for their cars (as seen in every Flint driveway), but for their livelihood. “What’s 30,000 people?” GM might think. Well, if any of those executives had emotion ties to Flint, they’d be singing a different tune.
Moore was brutal in his film. I can honestly say that nobody could have done a better job showing the harsh reality of Flint’s condition. His camera work and editing were amazing. As a person, however, I hate him. People like him
Moore showed the pessimism of the Flint population. The “rabbit lady,” sheriff deputy Fred, and, worse of all, people hired as statues. Regular men shooting basketballs in insane asylums, ex-workers in prison, Auto World…all because of GM’s lazy and wrongful attitude toward it’s foremost products.
And these workers thought they knew their products! They drove the cars they built. This, as someone pointed out, will definitely be affected by pride, American pride; the most powerful kind. Were these men so blinded by there emotions that they couldn’t see the poor quality of their own work? GM says “yes!”
I watched a movie once in my AP History class. The name escapes me, but I do distinctly remember Harry Chaplin. It was about interchangeable parts…indirectly. Chaplin played an assembly line worker who was himself interchangeable. This must have been the favorite movie of Roger Smith. How else could you explain laying off 30 large and still maintaining sanity?
Early detection should have set off some alarms at the plants. I can see the glowing signs now: “Make better (insert part here).” But instead, GM copped out and Smith headed for Cancun. That’s 180 degrees out (if I may use a mechanical analogy)! They were missing on all cylinders (ok, I’ll stop)! Ideally, GM would have revamped there systems to find a way to make a better, cheaper product and retained their established American location. Either that or jump into a time machine set to 1960.
Corporations suck. It’s not always their fault, but in GM’s case, it was. Jacko has a song by the name of “Man in the Mirror.” For those of you who have heard this, you know why it could have done Roger Smith well to listen to a few chords (although a time machine would also have been needed for this). “If you wanna make the world a better place, take a look at yourself and then make a change.” Man, maybe that freak was right? GM could have prevented all this had Michael been born 5 years earlier. Go figure.
Another song comes to mind when I try to relate to the Flint factory workers: “Red, White, and Blue” by Lynyrd Skynyrd. “My Daddy worked hard, and so have I, paid our taxes and gave our lives to serve this great country, so what are they complaining about?” It seems fitting to me that this song could have represented the Flint auto workers during those tumultuous times, with “they” being the late Roger Smith. Large layoffs are rarely unavoidable, and this situation fits that bill. GM made a ghost town out of Flint, Michigan and screwed 30,000 Americans overnight, and for what? To save a buck in order to release the same unacceptable garbage?
This “Road to Redemption” campaign better be damn good.
 

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Hill1513 said:

its screw ups over the past 20 plus years.

You’re SOL,

doubly screwed America, namely American people.

***-end

Corporations suck.

and screwed 30,000 Americans overnight,
Not bad. I'm assuming this is a paper for school. If it is you might want to find a better way to phrase some of the above statements.

I know when I was in school using screwed, suck, SOL etc in a paper wouldn't help my grade much.

Joe
 

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sounds good. There one or 2 minor spelling errors, but thats an easy fix.

I'm all for using your own voice in writing, but I'd ease off a bit. I wouldnt refer to jacko as a freak, maybe not call imports "ugly," and cut back on the swearing a bit. Only real problem with those things is it severly cuts down on your "credibility."

now is the paper about GM's "road to redemption" and subsequent screw ups? Thats what it sounds like, but I get the impression that you are trying to write a little about that film you mentioned as well. I'd go into a little more detail on the film. Maybe introduce it a little more "So and So's film blah blah' took a long hard look at some stuff"

Granted, I dont know how long this is supposed to be, or who your audience is, and if they are assumed to be familiar with the material or not. So everything I'm about to say may have no bearing what so ever. Here goes anyway

You said a few things that I think could use some more elaboration, or support.

"luckily for them they borrowed that luxury from Toyota"
I believe you, but citing a source would help your argument

"The “rabbit lady,” sheriff deputy Fred, and, worse of all, people hired as statues. Regular men shooting basketballs in insane asylums, ex-workers in prison, Auto World…all because of GM’s lazy and wrongful attitude toward it’s foremost products."
Not sure what thats all about, could probably use some clarification


Looks like a good draft though... way more fleshed out than any rough draft I've written in recent history
 

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Discussion Starter #4
Thanks guys. I really do appreciate the criticism and will use much of what you suggested to write my final draft (due tomorrow!) Can anyone else help me out?
 

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I'm not sure what kind of paper this is or is supposed to be. Generally, do not use the first person "I" in a paper, and try not to use "you" either. In a persuasive essay, present your position as "fact" and support it well with credible sources.
Definitely cut out the cursing and other derogatory remarks as stated above, those are definitely not a good thing. Remember you have to support your position and don't say anything that could degrade your credibilty.
No offense, but you have some work ahead of you.;)
 
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