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Moderator, Red Sox Nation Rabid Fan, TCCoAAC Found
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Bill Gates is hanging out with the chairman of General Motors.

"If automotive technology had kept pace with computer technology over the past few decades," boasts Gates, "you would now be driving a V-32 instead of a V-8, and it would have a top speed of 10,000 miles per hour. Or, you could have an economy car that weighs 30 pounds and gets a thousand miles to a gallon of gas. In either case, the sticker price of a new car would be less than $50."

"Sure," says the GM chairman. "But would you really want to drive a car that crashes four times a day?"
 

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Moderator, Red Sox Nation Rabid Fan, TCCoAAC Found
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A couple just got a new house. The husband turned to his wife and ask her to go to the hardware store and get a door hinge for him. She kindly agreed and left.
When she got to the hardware store, got the hinge, and put it on the counter in fornt of the clerk. He noticed that she didn't have any screws for it, so he asked her ''Do you want a screw for that hinge?''

She looked back at him and said ''No, but I'll blow you for that toaster in the window.''
 

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Koolbreeze
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Re: Re: Dead Baby Jokes

jordansypek said:
ive heard a lot of dead baby jokes too, but i just cant pull myself to post them...
If only everyone had your self control...
 

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I hope these don't offend anyone:

Why do blonde's where big hooped earing on dates?
so they have somewhere to put their feet!

What do you call one blonde blowing into another blondes ear?
Data Transfer, lol!

Why did the blonde girl have bruises on her belly button?
Her boyfriend was blonde too!

What do you call 10 polish guys with Turbins on their head?
A Pack-A-Stanly's

What do you call an Italian with a broken arm?
A speach impedament!

I'll post more when I think of 'em


:D
 

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What did the Asian couple name their semi-retarded child?
Sum-Ting-Wong

What do you call a woman with one wooden leg?
Ilean

What do you call a Chinese woman with one wooden leg?
Irene :D
 

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ok ok ok

There is a family leaving on a road trip and the dad pulls in for gas. As he is filling up his tank he starts talking to the guy next to him. The guy says where you headed, and the dad replys were from dallas and we are taking my grand mother back home to Austin (Now there grandmother cant here so good) she says WHAT HE SAY! and the dad said he asked where we are headed. Then the guy said thats cool i just came from dallas >>WHAT DID HE SAY!<< the dad said he said he was in dallas. then the guy said he loved dallas and the food was great and he really liked the people >>WHAT DID HE SAY!!<< the dad said he liked the food and the people. >OH OK<< Then the guy leaned in and said the only thing is I had the worst sex ever here I mean wow it was no good. >>>WHAT DID HE SAY<<<









He thinks he knows you!!!!

hahahaha......ha.....clap.....clap.................

Thank you Thank you. (TAP TAP TAP) I'm here till thursday try the viel and dont forget to tip you waitress!

GOOD NIGHT
 

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Moderator, Red Sox Nation Rabid Fan, TCCoAAC Found
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SC_Steve said:

What do you call 10 polish guys with Turbins on their head?
A Pack-A-Stanly's

What do you call an Italian with a broken arm?
A speach impedament!

:D
hahahahahha that polish one is great...

andy, yeah man... i might be a little wild with some of my posts... but dead babies definetly draws the line with me, all i keep getting is that picture in my head of the deformed babies on rotten.com.... man.. oooof... give me a decapitation anyday over the dead babies...
 

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Sheepish
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Every time I hear a dead baby joke I think of Dilbert comics with his 3 fake babies that he uses to try and get dates...
 

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This is one that my college professor likes to telll.

A business major student goes to school to learn to ask the question "How much does this cost"

An engineer goes to school to learn to ask the question "How do I make this."

A liberal arts major student goes to school to learn to ask the question......(drumroll)
















Would you like fries with that.

Badum, Crash.

danman
 

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ok ok

What did one Lesbian frog say to the other Lesbian frog????? WOW! We really do taste like chicken!!! Yo mama is such a ho....she blows santa claus for extra batteries......Later...
 

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Motorboatin' SOB, Headlight Cleaning Guru
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your moms so fat....

the back of her neck looks like a package of hot dogs.

when she goes to a restaurant, she doesnt get a menu, shes gets an estimate.

everytime shes turns around, we throw her a welcome back party.

when she went to the restaurant, she sat down, looked at the menu and said to the waiter, "ok".

she has more rolls than betty crocker.

she makes richard simmons cry.

:uppoint: :rofl:
 

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Sheepish
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Re: your moms so fat....

big mike said:
the back of her neck looks like a package of hot dogs.

when she goes to a restaurant, she doesnt get a menu, shes gets an estimate.

everytime shes turns around, we throw her a welcome back party.

when she went to the restaurant, she sat down, looked at the menu and said to the waiter, "ok".

she has more rolls than betty crocker.

she makes richard simmons cry.

:uppoint: :rofl:
When she walks across the room the radio skips.
 

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Administrator
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On Christmas morning, a cop on horseback was sitting at a traffic light, and next to him was a kid on his shiny new bike. The cop said to the kid, "Nice bike you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?" The kid said, "Yeah." The cop said, "Well next year, tell Santa to put a tail light on that bike." The cop then proceeded to issue the kid a $20.00 bicycle safety violation ticket. The kid took the ticket. Before he rode off he said, "By the way, that's a nice horse you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?" Humoring the kid, the cop said, "Yeah, he sure did." the kid said, "Well next year tell Santa to put the dick underneath the horse, instead of on top."

Thanks Gagfish!

Joe
 

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Refrigerator Raider Hater
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Discussion Starter #38
Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio?
 

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Refrigerator Raider Hater
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Discussion Starter #39
The National Transportation Safety Board recently divulged they had covertly funded a project with the US auto makers for the past five years, whereby the auto makers were installing black boxes in four-wheel drive pickup trucks in an effort to determine, in fatal accidents, the circumstances in the last 15 seconds before the crash. They were surprised to find in 47 of the 50 states the last words of drivers in 61.2 percent of fatal crashes were, "Oh, ****!"

Only the states of South Carolina, West Virginia and Arkansas were different, where over 89.3 percent of the final words were: "Hold my beer and watch this!"
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An appeals court is deciding whether Vermont should have raised a stink about a vanity license plate bearing a message that resembles a slogan containing a four-letter word. The legal battle began after the Vermont Department of Motor Vehicles said the "Shthpns" plate couldn't stay on a resident's pickup. The state issued her the plates, but later confiscated them..._

... What a bunch of fknasholz..
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Basic Rules For Driving In New Jersey:

* A right lane construction closure is just a game to see how many people can cut in line by passing you on the right as you sit in the left lane waiting for the same jerks to squeeze their way back in before hitting the construction barrels.
* Turn signals are just clues as to your next move in road battle so never use them.
* Under no circumstances should you leave a safe distance between you and the car in front of you no matter how fast you're going. If you do, the space will be filled in by somebody else putting you in an even more dangerous situation.
* The faster you drive through a red light, the smaller the chance you have of getting hit.
* Never get in the way of a car that needs extensive body work.
* Braking is to be done as hard and late as possible to insure that your antilock braking system kicks in to give you a nice relaxing foot massage as the brake pedal pulsates.
* Construction signs tell you about road closures immediately after you pass the exit but before the traffic begins to back up.
* The electronic traffic warning system signs are not there to provide useful information; they're just to make the Turnpike look progressive.
* Never pass on the left when you can pass on the right._ It's a good way to scare people entering the highway.
* Speed limits are arbitrary figures to make NJ look as if it conforms with other state policies; these are given only as suggestions and are readily enforceable.
* Just because you're in the left lane and have no room to speed up or move over doesn't mean that the driver flashing his high beams behind you doesn't think he can go faster in your spot.
* Please remember that there is no such thing as a shortcut during rush-hour traffic on the Garden State Parkway.
* Always slow down and rubberneck when you see an accident or even a person changing a tire. If you're lucky, you may see the unwitting breakdown victim get mugged.
* Learn to swerve abruptly. NJ is the home of the high-speed slalom driving thanks to NJDOT, who put potholes in key locations to test drivers' reflexes and keep them on their toes.
* It is traditional in NJ to honk your horn at cars that don't move the instant the light changes. The state is founded upon such traditions.
* Seeking eye contact with another driver revokes your right of way.
* All unmarked exits on the Parkway lead to downtown Newark.
 

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New Santa for the South....

Please don't be offended by this if 'yall are from down Yonder :D j/k



To: All Concerned
From: Santa Claus

I regret to inform you that, effective immediately, I will no longer serve the States of Georgia, Florida, Virginia, North and South Carolina, Tennessee, Mississippi, Texas, and Arkansas on Christmas Eve. Due to the overwhelming current population of the earth, my contract was renegotiated by North American Fairies and Elves Local 209. As part of the new and better contract I also get longer breaks for milk and cookies so keep that in mind. However, I'm certain that your children will be in good hands with your local replacement, who happens to be my third cousin, Bubba Claus. His side of the family is from the South Pole. He shares my goal of delivering toys to all the good boys and girls; however, there are a few differences between us. Differences such as:
There is no danger of the Grinch stealing your presents from Bubba Claus. He has a gun rack on his sleigh and a bumper sticker that reads: "These toys insured by Smith and Wesson."
Instead of milk and cookies, Bubba Claus prefers that children leave an RC Cola and pork rinds [or a moon pie] on the fireplace. And Bubba doesn't smoke a pipe. He dips a little snuff though, so please have an empty spit can handy.
Bubba Claus' sleigh is pulled by floppy-eared, flyin' coon dogs instead of reindeer. I made the mistake of loaning him a couple of my reindeer one time, and Blitzen's head now overlooks Bubba's fireplace.
You won't hear "On Comet, on Cupid, on Donner and Blitzen.." when Bubba Claus arrives. Instead, you'll hear, "On Earnhardt, on Andretti, on Elliott and Petty."
"Ho, Ho, Ho!" has been replaced by "Yee Haw!" And you also are likely to hear Bubba's elves respond, "I her'd dat!"
As required by Southern highway laws, Bubba Claus' sleigh does have a Yosemite Sam safety triangle on the back with the words "Back Off."
The usual Christmas movie classics such as "Miracle on 34th Street" and "It's a Wonderful Life" will not be shown in your negotiated viewing area. Instead, you'll see "Boss Hogg Saves Christmas" and "Smokey and the Bandit IV" featuring Burt Reynolds as Bubba Claus and dozens of state patrol cars crashing into each other.
And Finally,
Bubba Claus doesn't wear a belt. If I were you, I'd make sure you, the wife, and the kids turn the other way when he bends over to put presents under the tree.
 
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