Oh, ha. With dialup, I can't search though the first page, unless I have 15 minutes to kill. I guess I should change my settings so something other than 100 posts per page, now that I'm back home.
LMAO :uppoint: !!!The other night a woman was invited out for a night with "the girls." she told her husband that she would be home by midnight, "I promise!" Well, the hours passed and the champagne was going down way too easy. Around 3 a.m., drunk as a skunk, she headed for home. Just as she got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hall started up and cuckooed 3 times. Quickly, realizing he'd probably wake up, she cuckooed another 9 times.
Craig-and-Molly said:"Stupid people should have to wear signs that just say, "I'm Stupid." That way you wouldn't rely on them, would you? You wouldn't ask them anything. It would be like, "Excuse me...oops, never mind. I didn't see your sign!"
It's like before my wife and I moved. Our house was full of boxes and there was a U-Haul truck in our driveway. My friend comes over and says "Hey, you moving?" "Nope. We just pack our stuff up once or twice a week to see how many boxes it takes. Here's your sign!"
A couple of months ago I went fishing with a buddy of mine, we pulled his boat into the dock, I lifted up this big 'ol stringer of bass and this idiot on the dock goes, "Hey, y'all catch all them fish?" "Nope - talked 'em into giving up. Here's your sign!"
I was watching one of those animal shows on the Discovery Channel. There was a guy inventing a shark bite suit. And there's only one way to test it. "Okay Jimmy, you got that shark suit on, it looks good... Now you need to jump into this pool of sharks, and you tell us if it hurts when they bite you." "Well, all right, but hold my sign. I don't wanna lose it."
Last time I had a flat tire, I pulled my truck into one of those side-of-the-road gas stations. The attendant walks out, looks at my truck, looks at me, and I SWEAR he said, "Tire go flat?" I couldn't resist. I said, "Nope. I was driving around and those other three just swelled right up on me. Here's your sign!"
We were trying to sell our car about a year ago. A guy came over to the house and drove the car around for about 45 minutes. We get back to the house, he gets out of the car, reaches down and grabs the exhaust pipe, then says, "Darn that's hot!" See? If he'd been wearing his sign, I could have stopped him.
I learned to drive an 18 wheeler in my days of adventure. Wouldn't ya know I misjudged the height of a bridge. The truck got stuck and I couldn't get it out no matter how I tried. I radioed in for help and eventually a local cop shows up to take the report. He went through his basic questioning, ok no problem. I thought sure he was clear of needing a sign...until he asked "So...is your truck stuck?" I couldn't help myself! I looked at him, looked back at the rig and then back to him and said "No, I'm delivering a bridge... here's your sign!""
My favorite Bill Engvall joke .............lfteyechicken said:
Bill engvall is great, git-er-done
Actually when he tells that one (at least on the Blue Collar DVD) it's him that asks the stupid question.forcfed93 said:
My favorite Bill Engvall joke .............
A guy is using a coat hanger to try to unlock his car when someone walks up and says, "Did ya lock your key in the car?" to which he replies, "NOPE, I just washed it and I'm going to hang it up to dry"!!!!! (Here's yer sign)