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They did this over at SVT performance and i thought it would be interesting to get a post like that started over here. This may not be the stupidest thing i have ever heard but it ranks up there pretty high. There was this guy i knew with an older Cavalier Z24. He had the standard ricer mods (exhaust, wing, CAI, racing seatbelt pads, and some LED's in the interior). Well one day i heard him talking to some people, rather BSing to some people about his car and how fast it was. All of the stuff he said was retarded and meaningless but one thing stood out. He was asked why he liked to race on the street rather than the track and here was his answer: "Well, i used to race at the track a while back when my car was a little slower. Everyone would get mad because my car was too fast. So the owner of the track told me i was too fast and that i couldnt race there anymore. So now i have to race on the street. It was all good though because all the fast cars race on the street anyways." AHHH! i about died! :eek: :confused: :zbash: :bs: :zpuke::
 

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"Nice tarus"
-Dennis
 

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NAAAWWWSSS yo!



Guy I know with a saturn : "Im gonna get a cold air kit and one of those mufflers (re fart can)... I figure she'll kick your a$$ at the track!"

me after I had the motor and tranny in : "Ummm... riiiiiiiiiiiiight"
 

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Like Titles Matter
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A-train: You'll never outrun me with your normally aspirated car. (or something to that effect):uppoint:
 

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Jedi Master
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3,647 Posts
when I use to have my 95 Cat 4.6 some guy in a 95 stang GT I use to go to high school with, looked at my engine and thought that the violin case was a supercharger....
 

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Geek w/Gearhead Complex
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2,299 Posts
a girl I knew from high school talking about my friends 68 Cougar (429, big wheels in the back, skinnies in the front) and she runs with the rice boys..

"what car is yours?"
It's not mine, its Matts. That over there :points:
"oh ....that looks weird"

and the idiot next door helping another idiot with a tooth-less 1/2 shaft (AFTER I told him thats what his problem was)
"did you check your wires and plugs? sometimes that'll help"
 

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A direct quote:

"I've worked as a Ford mechanic for the last 20 years and I'm telling you, you have to pull the camshaft of a 5.0L out the rear of the block. The new roller engines are built differently than the early non-roller engines and the cam has to come out the rear”.

I just looked at this fool and asked, "What dealership do you work at" :leftright

Also from the same “mechanic”:
Mechanic, “The 5.0L has a 3 inch throw”
Me, “You mean 3 in stroke”
Mechanic, “No, dumbass, “throw”. Do you know anything about engines?”
Me, “A little”… as I shook my head and walked away… :leftright

Ah, fools... gotta love em. :D :rofl: :uppoint: :rofl:
 

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High Output Poster
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Back in high school I was driving my 74 Nova to school. I parked next to twin brothers that thought they were the shizzle for owning an automatic non-turbo '89 Ford Probe. One morning I pulled in to my parking place and powerbraked in front of them trying to get them to race me (which they never would). Anyhow, one of the brothers says, "hey, what's wrong with your car?" I said, "nothing, I was just powerbraking, why?" He pointed at the rear wheels and said the wrong wheels were spinning, that the front wheels should be spinning. I told him it was rear wheels drive and they were astounded. I got a good laugh out of this knowing their father had a Chevy 2500 and a 72 Chevelle.
 

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Over the supermarket intercom:
"To the owner of a black ford taurus: Your lights are on"

I got a good chuckle when I overheard the 2 morons at the gas station talking about how "that new civic is like a factory hotrod"
 

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Chief of Warranty Police
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From a short conversation regarding the rebuild going on in my driveway:

"Yeah right... that thing will never beat a Mustang."

"What Mustang? Yours?" *snicker*

"No, ANY Mustang. It's too damn heavy.. and besides it's only a 6 cylinder."

:mad: "Allright, well when it's done and she eats your car for breakfast, I don't want to hear it. Wanna put a pink slip on that statement a$$hole?"

"No way. I've NEVER seen a Thunderbird beat anything but your average sh*tbox."

:boom: :boom: :boom: :zbash:

"Uhhh.. yeah dude, I drive a Cougar. And I know of some Thunderbirds that will probably stomp all over you at half-throttle."
 

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"Stock-For-Stock a 95 Cougar will ALWAYS beat a 95 Thunderbird"

"John F. Kennedy Was Riding in a Lincoln Mark 8 When He Was Killed" <-no joke on that one

"This buddy of mine has a 1970 Dodge Charger with something on the exhaust that makes the car louder, I think it was called a torque converter or something"

This Thread says a lot!
 

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In the car, drivin with the wife in the pass. seat.....


She..." hey look, that's a nice pickup truck"

Me...." which one do you mean, honeybun"

She.." that one over there, that Ford FISO"

Me..." :2huh: :2huh:

She..." No, overthere stupid"

Me...." aaahhh, you mean that Ford F150"



From the time I drove my Oldsmobile Cutlass....
Telephone conversation with a new insurance company....


"goodmorning, policy direct, how may we help you"

"goodmorning mam, I want to insure my Oldsmobile at your company, can you make me a nice offer"

"you want to insure an Old......eeehhwaaat???"

"It's an Oldsmobile, mam"

"Sorry sir, we don't insure Oldtimers"

"oh, ok, thanks for your time"


Car was 3 years old at that time..:D Needless to say I stayed with my old company.
 

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Whining Intakes Rock
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3,645 Posts
Thought he knew it all car guy when walking up to my car, "Hey, how do you like your impala?"


Oldie but goodie:

The other day I was in the local auto parts store. A lady came in and asked for a seven ten cap.

We all looked at each other and asked, "What's a seven ten cap?"

She said, "You know, it's right on the engine. Mine got lost somehow and I need a new one."

"What kind of a car is it?" they asked. Now I'm thinking maybe an old Datsun Seven Ten, but she says that it is a Buick.

"Okay, lady, how big is it?"

She made a circle with her hands about 3 1/2 inches in diameter.

"What does it do?" we asked.

She said, " I don't know, but it's always been there." One of us gave her a note pad and asked her if she could draw a picture of it. So she made a circle about 3 1/2 inches in diameter and in the center she wrote 710.

The guys behind the counter were watching as she wrote it.... And they just fell down behind the counter laughing hysterically.
Then one guy said, "I think you want an oil cap."


 
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