TCCoA Forums banner

Status
Not open for further replies.
1 - 20 of 24 Posts

·
Beer and Cheese
Joined
·
7,386 Posts
Discussion Starter #1 (Edited)
I consider this to be a serous forum with knowledgeable people so I feel comfortable asking a personal question on here. On that note I don’t mean to display my personal life on this forum ether but sometimes it’s good to hear a public opinion to understand real life situations to better myself. So please serous posts only and if you’re offended or feel that your need to cute me down or insult me I will ignore your post.

My inner family of four lived a 20 year military life, we lived every where. My mother was native to Milwaukee, WI and my father Columbus, OH. After my fathers 20 years of service in the military he retired and we moved to Milwaukee, WI. My mother has family here with 7 other bothers and sisters with there sons and daughters in which are my uncles, aunts and cousins. Growing up my inner family was alone, we only saw the big-family once maybe twice a year on Christmas or Thanksgiving. We had each other, we had our own thing hundreds and at one time thousands of miles away.

My question is…what is family (the big family)? Are you there for each other? Do you only see each other once a year? Twice? Three times a year? Only on holidays? Help each other on cars? Help watch the kids?

I’ve been living in Milwaukee now for 10 years with my mothers side of the big-family. If I where to pick one word to describe this family it would be “Drama”. Fighting over the dumbest **** and not talking to each other for a year because of it. We only see each other during holidays so 3-4 times a year or so unless there is a graduation, wedding or funeral. For the first 15 years of my life it was just the inner family with no “Drama” and now…it’s just unreal. I don’t want to go into detail of what the childish things are but they are pretty bad. Some other words to describe this family are selfish, dishonest, controlling, greedy and cowardly. Is this normal? Do families fight all the time? We’re not killing or smashing each other if that’s what you’re thinking. After the past ten years my parents would be happier living in another state living alone again, just having each other. I’ve been thinking about living in another state too, possibly moving to Texas or Arizona, who knows.

I know there is a few of you who are going to say, “Well at least you have a family”

Do you want them? Seriously you can have them! Lol!

What would you do? Throw in the towel? Say good bye and live in peace or try and work things out with your big-family? When I was with my inner family for the first 15 I was happy and so where my parents. Let me know what you think, is your big-family as bad as mine? How do you deal? Advice? Suggestions?

Thanks,
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,061 Posts
you think thats bad.. try being cuban :thumbsup: lol. best thing i can say bro is get away. become one of the 3-4 times a year people. i just moved into my own apt about 40 minutes away from my family (dk how long this'll last) but itll get you away fromt he drama. yea your gonna hear about it.. youll get the "i still dont understand why you left us" line for a few months but it gives you a chance to live your own life with out being badgered with everyone else's problmes wether they come to you with them or not it still sounds like you get an rear full of them. just leave. like i said theyll bug you for a while.. but theyll get over it..

every family has theyre own prospective on how a family "should be". my family is just here for the holiday parties,graduations,etc etc. it just depends on how they feel about being around one-another. theres always going to be something different about someone every time you see them and how a family should be also depends on the little things like that. how well you can cope with eachother. who likes who. who has what memories. if you have parents that grew up in close vacenity(spelling?) to eachother then theyre going to tend to be a more active family.. if they grew up as you did being alone and seldom visited and then rushed into the heart of the family it will stir things up a bit. it more or less depends on how the previous generation(your parents, unles ands cousins of the same age etc.) were raised.. if they were raised far apart then when they get the sense of fredom of having theyre own family they also have a longing to be with theye original family so you move.. but find things may not work as planned.. it all depends on mutual feelings towards eachother, and how you see the rest of the family perspectively.. i hope that helps ya man..
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
377 Posts
lol...damn ox..you just decribed my family....we all basically live right around the corner from each other....small town, small area...ill die around these people...hehe....well man, nothing is perfect...i mean, would you really want it perfect anyway?....that would be boring as hell and there would be no growing from it....like a relationship between a guy and girl....you need drama or conflict....just not too much of it..its one of the ways how we learn about each other....although too much of anything (good or bad) isnt really healthy.....kinna like the chinese yin and yang...you cant have the good without the bad...or the dark without the night...you need both for harmony....so if ur having some occasional conflict...consider it a good thing...everyone around you will grow and learn from it.....its all good man, stick close to ur family...they are all you really got in the end....i know from experience.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,639 Posts
i love my family but i can not live with them. in jr high i left my moms house moved in with my father got in lots of trouble and partied a lot. in hs i physically fought my father had been kicked out. on my moms side my uncle took everything of my granpas after he passed and screwed everyone on the will and took all of the priceless stuff and pawned it for money for his tweeker Gf. i use to fight all the time growing up its how i learned how to deal with it. Then i got charged with a DV a few years back and had to take 2 years of classes and impact panels, probation....after making some changes in my life ive become way closer to my family but i still cant live with them but of course im on my own so i dont have to:D

In my opinion there is no such thing as a normal family. Normal dosen't exist
 

·
shaken, not stirred
Joined
·
1,219 Posts
...in my opinion there is no such thing as a normal family. Normal dosen't exist.....
I think your family is "normal". This is the way with families. The old italian saying, "Don't ever go against the family", well it was the Godfather but close enough. I have 20 aunts and uncles, half live in Alabama, and half in Illinois. Both have the same drama. But I love them all and when the drama isnt getting in the way, they are a blast to be around. I feel for you, but buck up, you are just normal like the rest of us. Its the ones with no family drama who are "weird". Just think how bored you would be if you didnt have drama to deal with. LOL

C.Hill
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
855 Posts
Your family is normal I went almost 2 years without talking to anybody in my family because of something that happened and I regret that I missed out on alot of things. Any time we have a family function my wife and I always ask what kind of drama will unfold. My dad went many years without talking to one of his brothers over something stupid and when my uncle died I really think that my dad had regretted that. Sometimes as adults I think we act like children and instead of putting differences aside we get stubborn and just get mad. I do know after listening to my stepson who really likes my brothers and sisters it seems like he suffered too and that is really not fair to any child. My wife and I always said my brother that moved to Nevada 2,600 miles away was the smartest but I have learned to put my differences aside and what ever happens, happens. You do have a normal family, my wife and I have also discussed moving out of state and some day we may still do that, but for now I will enjoy the times I have with my family and put all differences aside for me and my family.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
775 Posts
Dolly Parton wrote a song that describes Family. Here are the lyrics.

WHEN IT’S FAMILY
By Dolly Parton & Carl Perkins

When it's family, you forgive them for they know not what they do,
When it's family you accept them ‘cause you have no choice but to.
When it's family, they're a mirror of the worst and best in you, and they always put you to the test and you always try to do your best and just pray for God to do the rest, when it's family.
Some are preachers, some are gay, some are addicts, drunks and strays, but not a one is turned away when it's family.
Some are lucky, others ain't, some are fighters, others faint, winners, losers, sinners, saints, it's all family.
And when it's family you trust them and your heart's an open door, when its family, you tolerate what you'd kill others for.
When it's family you love and hate and take, then give some more.
Somehow you justify mistakes, try to find some better way to solve the problems day to day, in the family.
You take the trouble as it comes and love them more than anyone, good or bad or indifferent, it's still family.
You choose your lovers, you pick your friends, not the family that you're in - Nah they'll be with you ‘till the end, 'cause it's family.
And when it’s family, you forgive them for they know not what they do, when it's family, they're a mirror of the worst and best in you,
When it's family, let me be all that I should be, to my family.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
7,758 Posts
My family was like Ox's: military, moving all over the place, so my immediate family was just Mom, Dad, older brother, and myself. My mom’s family is in IL/IN and a farming/country background while my Dad’s family is from NJ (Philly area) and a city background. They split up (thank goodness) and went their separate ways when I was in Jr. High.

So I’ve never really had a close family and consider myself a serious loner. :D

But one thing that I have learned over the years is that "family" doesn't mean jack. :thumbsup:

If you don't like someone because they are jerks, drug addicts, thieves, etc. you don't have to (and shouldn't) associate with them just because they are "family". Forgiving "family" for crap they pull, just because "they are family" is, in my opinion, doing nothing but enabling/endorsing their abhorrent behavior. “Family” is not a substitution for what is right and what is wrong”.

But just my opinions. :thumbsup:
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,672 Posts
And yeah family can act like some triflin' a** bi**es sometimes. My Grandma's 90th birthday is coming up and one part of the family didn't like the location my dad had picked out to have dinner at because it was too far from their house (in Michigan). I'll be hard tempted not to say to them "hello I came over 1,200 miles for this dinner, what's a half hour?"
But that's just people being people, and at the end of the day it's nice to know that you have family out there, faults and all.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
855 Posts
And yeah family can act like some triflin' a** bi**es sometimes. My Grandma's 90th birthday is coming up and one part of the family didn't like the location my dad had picked out to have dinner at because it was too far from their house (in Michigan). I'll be hard tempted not to say to them "hello I came over 1,200 miles for this dinner, what's a half hour?"
But that's just people being people, and at the end of the day it's nice to know that you have family out there, faults and all.
I live 30 miles from my family in CT and they think they are traveling half way around the world when I invite them over for something. Some of them are also jealous so that does not help but my wife and I bust our a**es for what we have. It seems like there is always something to complain about and someone always does.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,876 Posts
You nailed it on the head. That is family. You just have to deal with it. Me and my dad haven't talked since December 10, 2007. Why? I haven't got any idea. I can call him but he can never call me. I know my phone works both ways. He is missing out on his grand children. My mom can't talk to me enough. We email constantly and talk on the phone like 2 times a week. She live 1000 miles away. My dad 30 minutes. Now my wifes side is a soap opera. People do stupid things is all I can say.
 

·
Eleventeenth Gear Poster
Joined
·
3,067 Posts
Heh, I can kinda relate. I come from a very small family that I really don’t know that well. On my mom's side I have grandparents, one aunt, one uncle and no cousins. On my dad's side I have 2 (maybe 3) 2nd cousins that I think I met once when I was a kid. I was born and raised in South Florida and they are all in MD/DC/VA/WV. Growing up I would see them sporadically, maybe once every year or two, so I never really got to know them. Now my parents don’t even live down here anymore, they are in WV!

I met my current GF almost 2 years ago, who comes from a HUGE family who are all really close. I only talk to my parents maybe once a week, and she’s on the phone with 7th and 8th cousins twice removed once a day! The sheer number of them boggles my mind, plus the fact that they are all so close just over whelms me. Keeping in touch with all of them would be a hassle to me, although I'd probably have a different mindset if I had grown up with all those people. I never realized how much I appreciate quiet until I got in a room with only a fraction of her family!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,286 Posts
I'm an a-hole, and everybody knows it. Mostly because I don't hesitate to disagree with people just because they share some genes with me. My extended family is very closeminded and uninformed... Some of them are just downright unintelligent.

The people >>I<< consider "Family" are those who would go out of their way to look out for me, and I would go out of my way to look out for them. I consider some of my friends "Family" because of this as well.

In my extended family of about 40 people, there are only 7 people I would count as "Family".
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
742 Posts
Family, like grade school, puts you to together with people you would otherwise be pointing out in a police lineup.

I have been writing a story about my family over on another board...I may post it in here, if there is enough interest. However, I am unaware of the level of decency standards on this board, as some of it is quite....graphic, so I hesitate to post it....
 

·
Voice/Data Guru
Joined
·
7,781 Posts
I have a very big family as well...... But know drama... We all love and care about each other very much. Guess that may be a sourthern thing. Because all my family live in NC. I for one am the first to move away to Philly here pay is much better than down south, My daughter is in Atlanta GA married to a Air traffic Controler and my son is in the Army as a BlackHawk Pilot I and my daughter go home to NC about once a month to keep in touch with our Family, And my son does when he is on leave, I guess that we are a lucky bunch to all get along :)
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
9,966 Posts
I see my extended family a few times a year. the only immediate family I have is my mother and my dog. But to be perfectly honest, I feel as though my friends are my family. Not those whom I have known for a few months or so, but friends I have had for years. I know I can trust them and we get over the petty bull**** if it arises.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,095 Posts
Our big-family doesn’t really fight, but we just seem to do our own things and just meet at holidays and stuff. Just seems to be conflict of interests and in some cases values...

I never create or like drama so if that was my situation id just get out of there lol. I truly can’t stand stupid drama that seems to rule people’s lives and if it was ever passed onto me I wouldn’t take it.

I personally would do what I want to do, if I had the opportunity and wanted to move to another state id do it! If someone can’t respect what you want to do then tough s#*t! ...imo...
 
1 - 20 of 24 Posts
Status
Not open for further replies.
Top