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Discussion Starter #1
Okay, a little over a month ago, I met this chick...she's a year younger than me, lives with her parents, she seemed cool for a while....but things have been getting worse...her parents are riding her hard to get her act together (get a better job, get your own place, etc.) which I can understand...but lately all this stuff has been coming out about physical/psychological abuse from parents...the family is really screwed up...she's kinda screwed up from it...but things didnt seem all that bad, it really just seemed like a "get away from your parents and have your own life and you'll be fine" issue. I had been stressed about everything for the last two weeks...her issues with her parents are hard to deal with (they are saying things about me, etc.) Basically I'd been thinking of breaking things off with her becuase of all this crap--I don't need this stress in my life...every other aspect of my life is GREAT....I do not need baggage...I had chronic depression for about three hard years....so I can understand where she is coming from on a lot of this stuff, becuase I know what it is like to feel like total crap all the time and not really know why. I was, however, being patient & considering all of my options, I do not want to be an a-hole, ya know? However, I do not know how much more of this I can take. Last night she dumped a ton of bricks on me...for a while she'd been telling me that "sometimes she gets really depressed and has to talk to one of her friends to avoid doing "something stupid"" I figured this would be something like "I've thought about/I am thinking about suicide" type of thing--I can deal with this...as I said, from about age 17-20 I was really depressed (yes, to that point--I am okay now, couldn't be happer) But she told me something I completely did not expect...she told me that she will get super depressed & take needles/paper clips/pins, sanitize them, and start scraping skin away, to the point of bleeding...so basically she cuts on herself....my response to this was "Oh sh*t" I don't know what to do...she needs help with all of her issues, but I don't want to be in a relationship with somebody like this...BUT I feel bad breaking things off becuase they have issues, but at the same time, I DON'T NEED THIS! It isn't my job to rescue her from her demons....plus I"ve noticed a...um...pattern here....every time we go out & eat dinner at a restaraunt, she'll eat a bit, or all of it, and then go "I have to go to the bathroom" she'll be gone for a while & then come back. NOw, I'm not accusing her of anything here, it just looks a little suspicious, with all of the other issues, plus not eating normally anyway, plus this, jeez, I dunno what to do. I am leaving for vacation for a while, and I don't know what I am going to tell her when I get back. It sucks. Why can't I meet NORMAL people?!?!? For the record, I feel really bad for her and I don't want to hurt her, but I just don't know what to do, and I do not want to get in too deep on something that is going to screw things up in my life...I hope this doesn't sound selfish, but I just do not know what to do.
 

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Chief of Warranty Police
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In my honest opinion, it's not worth it. Sounds like the girl needs help.

I've had my share of friends and aquaintances in the same position, and experience has taught me that a majority of people like that don't want to be helped. For some insane reason they're happy being like that, whether or not they admit it. So now, I leave those people to their devices, because IMO, it's uneccessary baggage on my part.

Everyone goes through depression stages, some a bit more severe than others. Hell, I did. Now I look back and wonder how I put up with my miserable self. Sure, in a lot of cases there's a legitimate psychological cause. But if you ask me, most of the time it's just a miserable human being who is content just feeling sorry for themselves. That's how I was. As insensitive or selfish as it may be, people who cut themselves and/or think about suicide and all that really kind of disgust me.

But as far as you're concerned, it sounds like you have something going for you, a set of goals and a plan. I do too. I'm going to school in a couple weeks to begin the rest of my life. You really don't need excess baggage.

Just my 2 cents.
 

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Earl said:
What should I do?
Stop asking for dating advice from this group? I mean look at some of these other threads over the past year about this, I wouldn't trust any advice anyone gave on that topic on this board. :tongue:
 

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Geek w/Gearhead Complex
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She needs to fight her own battles and figure it out for herself. You can do what you want, but it lies with her, no one else. Until she's ready for that, it won't get better -- you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink, BUT you can make it sorry as hell it didn't. She might have to learn the hard way.

IMO, people who do physical harm to themselves are craving attention and aren't really hell bent on suicide, they're testing to see if "anyone cares" and depress themselves more. The people who are very serious just ...do it. Guys are far more dangerous in this respect (quick methods, firearms) whereas girls use pills or less instant ...fixes. And for you trolls reading this, I know there's exceptions.

You'll have to sit back and determine if you really want to sacrifice what you have now for a chance. It might be selfish, but the bottom line is the person you can always rely on is yourself.
 

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Moderator, Red Sox Nation Rabid Fan, TCCoAAC Found
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One of my Psych friends said that cutters are not usually suicidal, but its a cry for attention like the fubers man said. If you care about her man, try to be supportive. I feel you on looking out for yourself, but maybe you can take out the stresses in her life in any little way you can and make it a little more enjoyable for her. You speak of being depressed so you know what she is going through, just be there for her. Talk to her and she will talk back. If she doesnt get better she needs to get some help... She is in the beginning stages of self mutilation if she is purging and "scraping" and not cutting yet...
 

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ShadowDragon said:


Stop asking for dating advice from this group? I mean look at some of these other threads over the past year about this, I wouldn't trust any advice anyone gave on that topic on this board. :tongue:
I'll have to agree with this statement.......
 

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Discussion Starter #7
Well, I needed to get some insight from people outside of my direct group--thank you. Everyone is basically telling me the same thing, which is what I am thinking anyway...I don't think I need the baggage...Back in the days when I was screwed up, I tried to not unload it on others...but I did at times, and I feel bad for that, but hey, what is over is over...I just don't need this baggage, my job is good, only getting better, I am looking seriously at buying a house soon (being 22 and single people look at me funny having that as a goal at this stage) and things are really coming together for me...I need to look out for number one.
 

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Whining Intakes Rock
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If you re-read your original post, you already gave yourself the answer.

Earl said:
...I don't need this stress in my life... ....I do not need baggage... ...I do not know how much more of this I can take... but I don't want to be in a relationship with somebody like this... ...I DON'T NEED THIS! It isn't my job to rescue her from her demons... ...and I do not want to get in too deep on something that is going to screw things up in my life...
Earl said:
...I just do not know what to do.
You have the answer already, Earl. You can have someone else make the decision, to try to have a clear conscience, but it seems like you already made it. You just have to accept it. Don't sacrafice your sanity to save someone elses. Because guess what she'll do when she is all better and you're a shipwreck? :(

Good luck.

Al
 

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Chief of Warranty Police
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Earl said:
...I need to look out for number one.
There you go, man. :thumbsup:
 
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